The Independence of Learning

I need a break from talking about academics; I'm going to reflect on my experiences of being a graduate student in the one year MAT program. Before going any further, if anyone can relate to these feelings please make a comment!

Prior to the beginning of the semester, almost all of my previous endeavers led me down a well socialized path. For example, the main purpose of attending high school and college was to socialize.Thus, I spent the majority of my academic life mingling. After graduation, I took a month and a half off from work and school, planning to attend graduate school in the fall. Quickly realizing that my savings were depleting, I knew the only way to keep up with the life I wanted to live required me to withdraw from graduate school and get a job. I managed to find myself a respectable job as a renewal underwriter for a local workers’ compensation insurance company. This life I wanted to live consisted of: eating out daily, no homework, the freedom to travel, going out whenever, and having the financial means to do so. A year later, I decided to try graduate school again.

I was in for a change, you could say. I was required to be a responsible citizen everyday in the eyes of my students. Any sort of slacking was not an option. In the world of student teaching, if you do not do your prep work it is quite obvious to all watching. Not long after the program started, I realized the extent of which my graduate work consumed any social life I had remaining outside of student teaching.

The first month was tough. Coming from a background in Mathematics, I was not accustomed to the amount of writing that was required of me. And to my surprise, the most writing I had to do for this semester came from my graduate mathematics course based on problem solving, reasoning, and communication.

The months following were lonely, to say the least. I left for Shaker High before my roommates woke up and I returned home most nights after night classes at 9pm. Even at 9pm, my day was not done—there were papers to grade, notes to review, warm ups to create, etc.

I wasn’t lonely in the bored, sitting at home, by myself kind of lonely. It was a different kind of lonely that I never experienced before. Studying for a Mathematics final is a one man job. Writing a research paper is also a solo activity. I calculated that my work week averaged from 50-55 hours a week. This however, is my average 15 weeks into the semester. When I first started, the average week was closer to 60 hours. Twenty of those hours were from student teaching and 10 of the hours were from my graduated classes. The remaining 20-25 hours a week was made up of my prep work for student teaching and my own graduate work.

These hours were spent alone, working independently. This semester displayed how learning can be a lonely, independent activity. After 23 years of focusing on my social life, I can actually say overall the independence was refreshing, like a breathe of fresh air. BUT, on a day to day encounter, the independence was harsh and the silence was loud.

I look forward to Christmas break--the calm before the storm.